


The Space Between

by grumblesandmumbles



Category: Shameless (US)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-20 23:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2447708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grumblesandmumbles/pseuds/grumblesandmumbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my first attempt at fanfic, leave some love if you like it!</p>
<p>Setting: A time shortly after where we left off at the end of Season 4.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Space Between

Mickey is puttering around the house. He doesn’t know what to do with himself now that Ian’s gone. After making his stand against the Gallaghers that day, Ian wasn’t getting better, and Mickey finally came to terms with the fact that he couldn’t just sit by and wait it out. It broke his heart, but he finally allowed the Gallaghers to hospitalize Ian, after they agreed that he would be fully involved in the recovery process, just like the rest of them.

He’s going to head over to see Ian soon, as he does every day, but he’s trying to build up his will. Ian has been hospitalized for weeks and so far it hasn’t made much of a difference. Ian mostly just lays there, barely speaks. Sometimes he will let Mickey lay with him, hold his hand, just be next to him. Those are the good days. Recently, Ian has been on even more of a down turn and those moments have been fleeting. Mickey is determined to be there, couldn’t imagine walking away at this point, not after everything Ian has seen him through. But each day when he goes over, it takes him a little longer to will himself to go, hating how he can be right there next to his Firecrotch and feel like they’re living in completely different worlds.

He actually starts straightening up because he doesn’t know what to do with himself, and he’s in the bathroom throwing out some magazines when a picture falls out. He picks it up and a flood of memories flow through his mind. The last time he saw this picture, he nearly broke his knuckles punching the bathroom mirror. A ghost of a smile passes over his lips at the sight of Ian’s face while a tear forms in the corner of his eye. He swipes at it with the back of his hand and brings the picture to his room to put away. He may be out now, but that doesn’t mean he has to hang the picture on his wall for anyone to see. It’s his and he wants to keep it to himself.

Mickey goes to tuck the picture under his pillow, to keep it close, when his fingers brush against something hard. He picks up the pillow and finds a notebook. On the cover, it simply says “ _For Mick._ " He opens it and begins to read.

_Mick,_

_I know this has been a hard turn for us. I’m so far down in my mind that I don’t know how I could get out from this, but I know that however it happens, it will be with you. That night at The Alibi, with your dad, I really understood how deep one person could love another. I always knew you loved me, I KNEW, but seeing how you could risk everything for me, my heart swelled more than I knew it could. And then the next day when everything started with me, I feel like I took that away from us and I am so sorry. We should be happy and free and I feel like I stole that from you. From us._

_I love you for how you’re here for me, for how far we have come. I know that I haven’t been able to express myself to you (for once) but I am in here. Don’t give up on me, please find me here in the depths of my mind. I found this book and wanted to make sure to leave something for you for the hardest times. A reminder. I love you._

__________

At this point, tears are slowly running down Mickey’s face but for the first time in weeks he has felt real hope. This was started after Ian’s episode began. So, maybe Ian can’t express himself the way he normally would. Mickey understands that better than anyone. But he’s there. Mickey has a flash in his mind, and for the first time in awhile he’s smiling, that real smile that he only seems to produce when it’s related to Ian.

__________

Mickey arrives at the hospital and enters Ian’s room. As usual, he’s curled up and facing the wall but this sight doesn’t hit Mickey so hard today. Mickey steps over and brushes his hand through Ian’s hair, the same way he did when he woke up that morning. “Hey Firecrotch.” He doesn’t get a response, but at least Ian’s not yelling at him to leave so that’s promising enough. Mickey lays down on the bed behind Ian and spoons up behind him. He begins to speak to Ian, whispering in his ear, just in case anyone is nearby. And not even because he gives a shit anymore about what people may hear, but because this is meant for just the two of them.

"I found your letter, Ian. To me, the notebook under the pillow. I can’t tell you how much finding that means to me. I know I’m no good with my feelings and shit, but seeing those words from you… It was everything, Ian. I know you’re in there and I know it’s hard for you right now. And I hope you know that I am not going anywhere. Never. We have lost so much time, and that’s mostly my fuckin’ fault, I know. Hell, it’s all my fault. But I can’t lose that time again. I can’t lose you again. I don’t think I could come back from that. I’ll be here as long as it takes, I don’t fuckin’ care. If you yell or scream or don’t even talk to me, I. Don’t. Care. But I did have an idea. I’ve brought the notebook back for you. Maybe you could write to me when you’re up to it. I would really love that. I’ll leave it here for you. I’ve got to go by The Alibi and check on the girls, but I will be here tomorrow. I love you.”

And with that, Mickey gives Ian a gentle kiss on the cheek, gets up and leaves the notebook and a pen on the nightstand next to the bed.

__________

Time passes. Not that it means much to Ian right now. It’s all a blur. But he’s thinking about Mick’s visit, about him bringing the notebook back and the way he whispered, the things he said. Ian knows that was a big step for Mick and even in his state, he doesn’t want to let him down by not responding. He forces himself to reach over and grab the notebook and the pen. He lays them with him on the bed and curls around them. He’s not quite ready to write yet.

Eventually, Ian forces himself to sit up. He’s going to do this for Mickey. He has to. He opens the book and goes to flip to a new page when he’s surprised by other writing in there. He starts reading and it doesn’t take long for him to be completely stunned.

__________

_Ian,_

_I don’t expect you to do any of this alone. I know I suck at expressing my feelings and shit but I do have them. You may be the only person who realizes I do, but you’re the only person who needs to know that anyway. If it helps you for me to tell you how I feel, I’ll do that. Because I’d do anything for you. I still don’t really know how to say in my words what I want to say, so I’ve taken a little liberty and used someone elses. Mine will come. I love you._

_"A Thousand Years"_

_Heart beats fast_  
Colors and promises  
How to be brave?  
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?  
But watching you stand alone,  
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow. 

_One step closer_

_I have died every day waiting for you_  
Darling, don’t be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I’ll love you for a thousand more 

_Time stands still_  
Beauty in all he is  
I will be brave  
I will not let anything take away  
What’s standing in front of me  
Every breath  
Every hour has come to this 

_One step closer_

_I have died every day waiting for you_  
Darling, don’t be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I’ll love you for a thousand more 

_And all along I believed I would find you_  
Time has brought your heart to me  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I’ll love you for a thousand more 

_One step closer  
One step closer_

_I have died every day waiting for you_  
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I’ll love you for a thousand more 

_And all along I believed I would find you_  
Time has brought your heart to me  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I’ll love you for a thousand more 

_(And if you ever tell anyone about this, you’re dead Gallagher!!)_

Ian reaches the end and realizes that he’s found his smile too. And his inspiration. He calls for a nurse and asks “Is there a way I could get internet access in here? I need to look something up.”

__________

The next day, Mickey is on his way to the hospital and he’s got an extra bounce in his step. He doesn’t want to get too hopeful that Ian wrote back, or has even read the book yet. But if Mickey knows anything about Ian, he knows that Ian will want to respond to his idea, to not discourage him from putting himself out there. So he’s optimistic, a feeling he’s definitely not very used to. Optimism doesn’t really run in the Milkovich genes.

He arrives and enters Ian’s room and he’s actually sitting up in the bed. And he gives Mickey a smile and pats the bed for him to join. Mickey’s heart skips a beat as he goes over and sits down. That’s when he notices the notebook next to Ian. Ian follows his gaze and smirks. “I looked at the book, Mick. Definitely wasn’t expecting a response but that was the best surprise. I’ve written you a response. I was going to make you wait until you left to read it, but I think I want you to read it now.” He picks up the book and hands it to Mickey. Their fingers brush as the book trades hands, and despite everything, that electricity still passes between them. Mickey is hesitant for a second, not knowing how his emotions may react reading this with Ian watching, but he can’t say no to him. Won’t. So he opens the book up and begins to read.

__________

_"The Space Between"_

_You cannot quit me so quickly_  
There’s no hope in you for me  
No corner you could squeeze me  
But I got all the time for you, love 

_The Space Between_  
The tears we cry  
As the laughter keeps us coming back for more  
The Space Between  
The wicked lies we tell  
And hope to keep safe from the pain 

_But will I hold you again?_  
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me  
Like ‘Will it rain today?’  
Waste the hours with talking, talking  
These twisted games we’re playing 

_We’re strange allies_  
With warring hearts  
What a wild-eyed beast you be  
The Space Between  
The wicked lies we tell  
And hope to keep safe from the pain 

_Will I hold you again?  
Will I hold…_

_Look at us spinning out in_  
The madness of a roller coaster  
You know you went off like a devil  
In a church in the middle of a crowded room  
All we can do, my love  
Is hope we don’t take this ship down 

_The Space Between_  
Where you’re smiling high  
Is where you’ll find me if I get to go  
The Space Between  
The bullets in our firefight  
Is where I’ll be hiding, waiting for you  
The rain that falls  
Splash in your heart  
Ran like sadness down the window into…  
The Space Between  
Our wicked lies  
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain 

_Take my hand_  
‘Cause we’re walking out of here  
Oh, right out of here  
Love is all we need here 

_The Space Between_  
What’s wrong and right  
Is where you’ll find me hiding, waiting for you  
The Space Between  
Your heart and mine  
Is the space we’ll fill with time  
The Space Between… 

_Mick, I promise you, the space between us won’t last forever. I’m ready to fight, for me, for you. For US._

Mickey looks up, teary eyed again. He’s turned into such a fuckin’ sap. But he doesn’t care. Ian leans in and kisses him, his hand resting on the back of MIckey’s neck, and just to feel those lips again makes it all worthwhile.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic attempt. Feedback appreciated!


End file.
